A Badger Trapped In The Closet

Note: This is not an actual picture of the badger in the story. Sorry!

Let’s allow R. Kelly to set the mood for this Badger tale:

7 o’clock in the morning and the rays from the sun wake me
I’m stretching and yawning in a bed that don’t belong to me
Then a voice yells “good morning darling” from the bathroom
Then she comes out and kisses me and to my surprise she isn’t you
Now I’ve got this dumb look on my face like “what have I done”?
How could I be so stupid to have been laid in to the morning sun
Must have lost track of time, oh what was on my mind?
From the club went to her home, didn’t plan to stay that long

— From R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet (Chapter 1)”

My guess is the badger in our tale may have preferred R. Kelly’s scenario over the one he was greeted with one recent morning.

At 3:17 a.m. Monday, the Yankton Police Department received a report of a badger trapped in the closet.

I see reports of raccoons and oppossums being in strange places within city limits all the time. Badgers are usually relegated to the golf course.

Never have I heard of a BADGER TRAPPED IN A CLOSET.

According to the officer’s report, “A badger was trapped in the pool equipment closet by motel guests at Broadway Inn. A live trap was set and door was secured. Officer will check back at later time.”

Following up with the the animal control officer, I learned that Badger didn’t fall for the live trap.

If you’re like me, you are picturing a big, mean badger. They are known for being vicious.

I can say that I once slayed a badger, although I’m not proud of it. The creature was either really sick or really stupid, and was trying to attack the windrower I was driving. It got run over.

I wasn’t the only one with a threatening image in my head.

“We were told it was a 40-pound badger and I was like, ‘Oh my God, I’m going to die!'” animal control officer Lisa Brasel joked.

Fortunately, it wasn’t quite that.

“It was a teenager. I think that’s the only reason (the motel guests) could chase it,” Brasel said. “It was relatively small, but it was still mean.”

Badger didn’t fall for the live trap, so Brasel and other officers had to use a pole to catch him.

“It now lives elsewhere,” Brasel said, alluding to Badger’s relocation to the countryside.

Hopefully, he has learned his lesson and won’t find himself trapped in the closet again. I think he and any hapless motel guests could agree on that.