If I Wrote Country Songs …

If I wrote country songs, this would be the source material for my next big hit:

• An intoxicated female visited the Yankton Police Department at 12:53 a.m. Tuesday and requested to speak to an officer. She was upset about how she had bailed out her boyfriend from a jail in Nebraska and then got dumped by him. The woman wanted to know if an officer could go to the community and get her bail money back. She was advised to call the Nebraska police office in the morning and was given a ride home by a sober friend.

Unfortunately, I don’t write country songs.

I can tell you how the story would end, though. This little cowgirl would get her money back, and the boyfriend would be arrested wearing nothing but his boots and a cowboy hat.

I’ll let you use your imagination as to how all that transpires in this hypothetical song …

‘Nebraska’ Screenwriter Shares Thoughts On Cannes Film Festival Premiere

Screenwriter Bob Nelson, who was born in Yankton.

Screenwriter Bob Nelson, who was born in Yankton.

As soon as I saw the list of entries in the Cannes Film Festival included Alexander Payne’s “Nebraska,” I was excited to hear what Bob Nelson had to say about it.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Nelson, who wrote the film, last September and published a story about him. He has roots in the Yankton area and was a great interview.

I figured having a film play at Cannes has to be a dream come true for a screenwriter, and it was no surprise to hear from Nelson that it is. Here is what he had to say:


When “Nebraska” premieres at the Cannes Film Festival in France next month, Bob Nelson expects it will be an out-of-body experience for him.
Nelson, who was born in Yankton just before his Hartington, Neb., parents moved their family to Washington, was the screenwriter for the film directed by Oscar-winning Omaha, Neb., native Alexander Payne. He plans to travel to Cannes and attend the first screening of “Nebraska.”
The announcement that “Nebraska” would compete in the prestigious Cannes Film Festival was a surprise to film enthusiasts, who expected a later debut. It was shot in the Norfolk, Neb., area last fall.
“I found out (two weeks ago) about Cannes just before it was announced and was completely surprised and cautiously pleased,” Nelson told the Press & Dakotan via email. “It’s a fairly quiet and intimate film, and Cannes is such a big world stage. To paraphrase Sheriff Tate’s description of Boo Radley in ‘To Kill a Mockingbird,’ there is some fear of dragging this shy film into such a bright limelight. But despite all the glitz in Cannes, once the lights go out they are rabid film fans who are rooting for your movie. Alexander Payne’s previous work will give us a lot of goodwill. So Cannes is scary, but I’ve come to embrace what will almost certainly be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”
The idea for “Nebraska” stemmed from news stories about people showing up with letters at Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes offices in the late 1990s thinking they had won money. In the film, a father (Bruce Dern) and his estranged son (Will Forte) travel together from Montana to Nebraska to claim just such a sweepstakes prize.
Nelson spent about a week on the set of “Nebraska” and said he enjoyed the experience.
“My mom came along and got a role as an extra … so she was thrilled the whole time,” he said. “It was just a wonderful opportunity to watch Alexander and his crew at work. They do work hard and long hours and, later on in the shoot, in some pretty rough weather. The scenes I watched being shot were in close quarters, so I just tried to stay out of everyone’s way and enjoy the moment. Bruce Dern and Will Forte couldn’t have been nicer to me — and my mom, for that matter.”
A rough cut of “Nebraska” was screened for Nelson and about 20 others approximately a month ago.
“It was far from finished, but you could get a sense of what it will eventually be, even with temp music and some scenes that will eventually be re-edited or cut,” Nelson said. “My reaction was that everyone involved, from Alexander to the actors to the crew, had made about as good a film out of this small personal story as I could have hoped for. It’s amazingly close to the film I wanted to see when I first starting writing it. The black and white cinematography is stunning. Phedon Papamichael (the cinematographer) really captured the intimacy of the relationships, as well as the wide landscapes of Nebraska.”
Although Nelson thought he would have a sense of how the movie would play out in public after that initial screening, he said that wasn’t the case.
“A couple of screenings since then have brought in some pretty good responses, so I’m getting my hopes up,” he stated. “That initial screening in Cannes will be an out-of-body experience, and my thoughts are as much on the audience response as on the film itself.”
Paramount announced last week that “Nebraska” will go into limited release on Nov. 22, setting the film up for what the studio hopes will be awards season buzz. “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” will also be released that weekend.
“Do you think Jennifer Lawrence is worried?” Nelson joked. “One thing I’m pretty sure of is, there won’t be a ‘Nebraska II.'”
He said it’s been an amazing experience to see what it takes to get even a small-scale film like “Nebraska” made.
“A lot of people were away from home and loved ones for weeks to work on this, and I hope they’re proud of what their efforts have produced,” Nelson said.

Hulk Smash!: A Tirade Against On-Screen Anger

Hulk smash!
Me angry, so me destroy everything!
I often find myself getting angry at movies and television shows because of what I call “Hulk outs.”
When a character gets upset, one of the most common dramatic tropes is for them to destroy things.
“Me angry! Me swipe everything off table!”
“Me angry! Me throw something at wall!”
“Me angry! Me trash entire room!”
I’ve had some angry moments, but I can’t specifically recall a time in my adult life where I’ve destroyed something as a result of it.
OK, so if I’m on a lawnmower and I get whipped in the face by a tree branch, I might break it off.
That’s the extent of my “Hulk SMASH!” moments.
I know this stuff happens. People, especially if they have been drinking, can get angry and go on a rampage.
But it doesn’t happen THAT often.
So many actors use “the Hulk out” to show anger, I don’t know how I’ve been able to resist their example and find restraint in my life. Maybe it’s because I’m cheap. Or maybe it’s because the last thing I want to have to do is go shopping.
I watch these scenes play out, and all I can think is, “That was a nice set of china! Why would you destroy that!? Aww, poor plates. Now you’re going to have to go out and buy new ones, you loser …”

Blogging In A Post-P***s Snow Sculpture World (NSFW)

In the real world, there are eras we will never forget.
Post-9/11. Post-Vietnam. Post-Thatcher (for my British friends).
But in my blog world, I’ve have a feeling I will be living in a post-penis snow sculpture era for some time.
It’s at once a thrilling and daunting prospect.
You see, on an average day my blog has 40-80 views. On an exceptional day, I’ll get 100-200 views. My record for daily views was set back in January when WordPress was kind enough to “Freshly Press” a post I did about music to set a romantic mood. That record? 629 views. I was elated.
I don’t post new content on a regular basis, and when I do write, it doesn’t necessarily have a broad appeal. I like to imagine that one day An Inland Voyage will be my multi-media empire with millions of fans. But for now, it’s a hobby. I’m happy that anyone takes the time to read this blog. If you’re reading this now — thank you, thank you, thank you! If I only wanted to write for myself, I’d just have a diary. But this space is for me AND you.
So now that you have some background on An Inland Voyage, I can drop the bombshell: After I posted the blog “Hard News Tip: Yankton Sculpture Was A Big ‘Wiener’ … Uh, Winner!” Tuesday morning, it started getting a lot of attention and people were really nice about sharing it with their Facebook friends (like this Facebook community did). By the end of the day, I was beside myself because my blog had been viewed more than 1,500 times. That was more than double my record.
But in retrospect, it was a small ripple before the tidal wave.
On Wednesday, my blog kept at a steady pace. People evidently share my sense of humor and find a six-foot snow sculpture of male genitalia pretty funny. (I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one!) Late in the afternoon, I had broken the previous day’s record by 1,000 views.
Then, things went nuts (sorry, I’m still running with this). Suddenly, I was getting 1,000 or more hits an hour.
I ended the day with 7,904 views.
That’s a huge number for this little blog in Yankton, S.D. It’s flattering, I love it. Thanks to the Yankton residents who made such an admirable and, to some, obscene sculpture about which I could write and post pictures. (Do you know how many guys have joked with me that they were the model for it? Everyone wants to claim this bone as their own.)
But now I have to start thinking about what’s next.
Will the apex of my blogging career essentially be a giant dick joke? Am I going to be known as “the blogger with the penis sculpture photos”?
I’ve written about economic inequality in the United States, the causes of violence in America and various awesome bands that I wish everyone on the planet loved as much as I do — and the audience for a snow boner outstretches them by a mile.
Ha. … ha, ha, ha. Excuse me. Ha, ha, ha.
When I think about it, this all makes a lot of sense.
Half the population has wieners, and they are a source of great concern for a lot of men. Additionally, a large portion of the remaining population has some experience with them. Sure, none of those wieners are six feet tall and made out of snow, but you get the drift — I’ve written about a subject with a broad appeal.
So of course I’m tempted to just keep writing about male genitalia. Maybe I could throw in some female genitalia jokes to mix it up every once in a while. (I’m kind of embarrassed to point out that two of my last three posts have, indeed, been related to the private parts of men. Have I gone back to elementary school? Am I in an Adam Sandler movie???)
However, I can assure you that isn’t going to happen. (Oh, hey, no need for boos!) I’m still going to write about whatever inspires me. It’s all I can do. I hope that many of you will find those other subjects interesting enough to keep following along.
Sure, this blog is probably going to be living in the shadow of a six-foot snow penis for some time to come.
But one day, it will melt away and another great blog post will rise to take its place as the most-viewed entry on this Inland Voyage. I’m looking forward to the challenge, and I hope you’ll come along with me for the ride.
My dear blog readers, you are the best — and for that, I salute you!

This photo captures the sculpture in more detail.

Dear readers of An Inland Voyage: I salute you!

(Sorry! Sorry! I just had to post it ONE MORE TIME!!!)

Hard News Tip: Yankton Sculpture Was A Big ‘Wiener’ … Uh, Winner!

As ice and snow accumulated in Yankton last week, many people wanted to give Mother Nature a “one-finger salute” for letting winter intrude on their spring.
However, one Yankton household decided to erect a different part of the human anatomy in response to the weather.
An estimated 6-foot penis was carved out of snow in the 1000 block of Cedar Street and saluted both Mother Nature and anyone else who happened to pass by late last week.
Unfortunately, I was in Washington, D.C., at the time, where highs were around 90 degrees and the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. I know your sympathy cards are in the mail.
I spoke to an eyewitness who first spotted the “head” of the sculpture at the Eighth Street and Cedar Street intersection.
Realizing she had a hot news tip, the woman proceeded north for a better view and, of course, photos.


This snow sculpture, artfully referred to by some as “Emerging Spring,” briefly stood in Yankton last week.

“It was ridiculous,” she told me, noting the size of the sculpture and the attention to detail that was obviously put into its creation. “I thought it was an amazing piece of art. I really wanted to touch it, but then I thought that might look weird.”
It’s not clear when the work was massaged from the snow in the residential neighborhood, but witnesses said it had stamina and began to attract a lot of traffic as word spread of its existence.
However, some observers made no bones about their distaste for the sculpture.
At 4:22 p.m. Friday, the Yankton Police Department received a complaint about an obscene object made out of snow.
The situation climaxed when the sculpture was destroyed by its maker, according to the police log.
No details were available as to whether the act was done with the stroke of an ax, the blow of a hammer or by some other means.


A second blog reader submitted this photo, which shows the sculpture in a different vein.

A Defense: My Handling Of The Schumacher For City Commission Story

Now that the election is over, I thought I’d take some time to address an issue that arose between a city commission candidate and myself since it has resulted in him questioning my credibility.
I will spoil the ending by stating up front that my conscience is clear on this matter. However, if any of my readers have questions about the situation, I will inundate you with the details below.
As soon as I saw Michael Schumacher’s name on the list of candidates for the Yankton City Commission, I knew I’d have to do some research into his past.
Schumacher grew up in Crofton, Neb., where I also call home. He is several years older than me, but I distinctly remember a photo of the two of us (with some others) published in the Crofton Journal many years ago because of our participation in the Knox County Spelling Bee.
It was due to this familiarity with Schumacher that stories about his escapades while on the Rapid City Council from 2005-2007 had made an impression on me.
I read the archives of the Rapid City Journal and the Norfolk Daily News to get the background I needed, and then I sent Schumacher the following Feb. 27 message on Facebook:

Hey Michael,

I hope things are going well for you.

Since you’ve thrown your hat into the City Commission ring, I wanted to ask you some questions about your past experience in Rapid City.

I’m aware of the disagreements you had with some other city officials there and wanted to give you a chance to address that past directly.

While you were on the Rapid City Council, Alderwoman Deb Hadcock and the rest of the commission confronted you about an email that you had sent under a false name criticizing her. You told the Rapid City Journal at the time that you had apologized to the council twice and planned to make a public apology but changed your mind after Hadcock talked to the media about what had been discussed in executive session. Do you agree with that general outline of what happened? What led you to send an email critical of the alderwoman under a false name? What else can you say about that incident today?

In 2008, you admitted to impersonating Mayor Alan Hanks in a post to South Dakota War College and said you were trying to show the blog’s operator the insecurity of allowing anonymous posts. According to Powers, you used Hanks’ name to make at least 10 posts during the span of a month. Do you still stand by your explanation? Why did you choose Hanks as the figure to impersonate? Hanks was looking into the legality of the situation. Were any charges ever brought against you?

You went on to serve as the economic development director for Randolph. How long did that tenure last? What did you accomplish during that time? How did that relationship end?

What is your current employment?

I’m sorry to bring this up, but is this you? — Michael Schumacher, 37, Yankton, was arrested Saturday (Dec. 29) on a warrant for violation of conditional bond. If so, can you say anything about the circumstances?

When you decided to run for the City Commission, did you expect questions to be raised about your past? If so, what convinced you that running for the City Commission was important enough that you were willing to face that? Many people might shrink away from such a scenario.

Certainly, one’s past doesn’t dictate his or her future. But given these incidents from your past, voters may have questions about what kind of leadership you would provide the City of Yankton. What would you tell voters to convince them you would be a good leader?

Would you call these past incidents mistakes, or would you defend them on some grounds?

What is your vision for the City of Yankton and why do you want to have an active role in shaping it?

Thanks for any help you can provide on this, Michael. I want to be able to present your side of the story on all of this.

You are welcome to answer via email, or I can be reached in the office at 605-665-7811 ext. 123.


Nathan Johnson

Yankton Press & Dakotan


Schumacher responded that he was busy with work, and so I asked when he might be able to get back to me. On March 1, he stated that during the weekend he would send me something.
By March 6, I had heard nothing, so I sent him the following message on Facebook:


I hadn’t heard anything from you and wanted to check in. I do need to start moving forward on a story and really want you to be a part of it. Let me know how things are going.


On March 7, Schumacher again said work had prevented him from getting anything prepared and assured me a response would be sent the coming Saturday.
March 14 rolled around and I had seen nothing on my Facebook account or my work email.
Schumacher said he had sent me an email to my work account Sunday morning and would re-send it. He confirmed that he had my correct address.
I had still not received anything by March 15, so I sent this on Facebook:

Hey Michael,

Nothing has shown up. Could you just post the answers here since email doesn’t seem to be cooperating?



Schumacher read that on March 15, according to Facebook. However, he did not send his answers to me on Facebook.
At this point, I became suspicious that perhaps he was putting me off and hoping I wouldn’t run anything as long as he didn’t respond to my questions. Can you blame me? I was not aware of any problems with my email, and I conduct email interviews all the time without incident.
I saw Schumacher March 19 at a candidate forum. He asked me if I had received the responses. I told him no. And then he asked whether he should just send them via Facebook. I told him he should do that.
Schumacher never sent them through Facebook like he said he would.
In the meantime, I did receive several emails in my work account from Schumacher regarding a candidate profile we were running.
Finally, last week I decided that I couldn’t let the subject slide any longer with the election approaching April 9.
I sent an email March 31 from my work account to Schumacher’s Hotmail account.


Despite receiving Facebook messages and your candidate profile through my email, I have yet to receive a response to my earlier questions about your past experiences related to Rapid City.

I wanted to get this out of the way long before the election, and now that unfortunately won’t happen.

If I don’t receive a response tomorrow (Monday) either by email or phone, I will have no choice but to write something without comment from you.

I hate to do that, as I’ve said, but I feel I’ve been generous in giving you time to provide a response.

Nathan Johnson
(605) 665-7811 ext. 123

My email was met with silence, so I finished a story that was published in the April 4 Press & Dakotan.
It can be read here.
In addition to chronicling a couple of controversial issues Schumacher had been involved with, I noted that not only had Schumacher failed to respond to my inquiries but he also didn’t once mention at the two candidate forums that he had been a city councilor and a city economic development director. Nor was that experience addressed in this candidate questionnaire we published here. If I had that kind of experience going into what is essentially a job interview with voters, I would make mention of it. I thought it was fair game to point out he had not made a single reference to that relevant background.
My story was posted on the Press & Dakotan website at 10:30 p.m. Wednesday. At 12:43 a.m. Thursday, Schumacher posted the following response to the story via Facebook:

There are a few things I want to address regarding this article. First, Mr. Johnson claims I never responded to his queries. In fact, I responded twice. On March 10th I replied to the e-mail address provided by Mr. Johnson, then, after claiming he didn’t receive it, I replied again to the e-mail address Mr. Johnson provided. Oddly enough, he did receive my questionnaire response, which was sent to the same e-mail address. Second, Mr. Johnson makes note that I failed to mention it at the forums. While the forums are excellent venues for candidates to speak to the community, unfortunately, they also provide little time for the candidates to expound much beyond the questions posed. I made the decision to focus on my activities in Yankton with local organizations and how that translates into what I can do for Yankton.

As far as the rest of the article is concerned, anyone who has known me for an extended period of time can attest to the fact that I am not the same person I was then. I allowed myself to get caught up in the acidic politics of Rapid City and behave in a way that was contrary to who I am now. Anyone who follows Rapid City politics understands how bitter and contentious it can be.

Regarding the absence from meetings, I was in a transitional period moving back to Yankton in order for my family to be closer to critically ill family members.

The use of an alias can be attributed to the dismissive nature of the Council to myself and other select Council members. Mine was not the only anonymous e-mail received by the Council containing concerns with various aspects of City government and Council actions.

As far as the situation with the political website, it was an attempt to show that despite his assurances of anonymity, the blogger would attempt to expose the identities of those with whom he disagreed, even if he had no proof of their identity.

While I wanted to respond to this article, I don’t want it to be viewed as an excuse. I am not proud of my actions and, as I look back, I wish they had never occurred. This is not what politics should be, it should be for the benefit of the community and not relegated to political game playing. If elected to the Yankton City Commission, I will work to be a positive influence and representative for the community.

Schumacher later sent an email to my work account (again, it has seemingly worked fine except for the two occasions he claims to have sent his response) saying he had not seen my final email until after the story was published in the newspaper.
Later that day, he sent a pdf of a screen capture purporting to show the time and date he had sent a response to my questions as March 10 and March 14.
Schumacher asked that we print the response in the newspaper that was posted on Facebook (see above).
After some discussion, Gary Wood, the paper’s publisher; Kelly Hertz, the managing editor; and I decided we would not print it.
Wood sent Schumacher the following email:

In regards to your request I’ve discussed the situation with Kelly Hertz, my managing editor, and Nathan. After careful consideration, it has been decided that the Press & Dakotan will not be publishing your response.
We feel that we gave you sufficient opportunity to respond to our inquiries. You focus on the two attempts you say you made to email the responses, yet you were told by Nathan via Facebook and a verbal communication that he had not received them. We are not going to publish a response that knowingly mischaracterizes the facts.
Whether or not you sent those emails on March 10 and March 14 is irrelevant at this point, because you knew we had not received them.  You stated to Nathan that you would send the responses via Facebook, which you never did.  You claim you didn’t receive a final email Nathan sent to your Hotmail address Sunday. I am sorry to hear that but when our story was posted at 10:30 p.m. Wednesday, you had a Facebook response posted by 12:43 a.m. Thursday.  I wish you had shown the same urgency to respond when Nathan was attempting to get your comments for his story. He gave you far more time to respond than most of our sources get.
It should also be noted that, in speaking with Nathan, we have received every one of your Hotmail emails in the past two weeks. Considering all the facts in this matter, it makes it difficult to understand why the only two we did not receive are your responses to Nathan’s questions.
I wish you luck in the future and hope that future interactions between us have more positive outcomes.


Of course, Schumacher didn’t like that response.
However, it reflects my thoughts on the matter.
I’ve never had this much of a problem securing a response from someone unless they didn’t want to respond. I was very reasonable, and Schumacher was given plenty of time and opportunity to get back to me.
Like I said, my conscience is clear.

On a related note, I’ve been asked why the story didn’t include anything about Schumacher’s December arrest for violation of conditional bond. The matter was raised at South Dakota War College in this post, for example.
In January 2009, Laura Schumacher, Michael’s ex-wife, took out a protection order against him that is in effect until January 2014. She claimed Michael was harassing and following her. No phone contact is to occur except through lawyers, according to the order.
Michael was arrested in December because Laura reported to police that he had been calling and texting her.
However, the prosecutor ultimately dismissed the violation of conditional bond charge in March.
Because the charge was dismissed, Kelly Hertz and I decided not to mention the arrest in the April 4 story.
So if it’s suggested that I had some sort of vendetta against Schumacher, I think that’s an indication that no such motivation existed.

And if I really had wanted to play hardball I could have quoted this opinion column from the Black Hills Pioneer calling Schumacher some very unflattering names.

So … that’s a long, convoluted explanation for how things transpired in regard to the Michael Schumacher story and the fallout it created. But perhaps it gives you an idea of how this reporting business works sometimes.

Most importantly, I hope it establishes that, contrary to Schumacher’s aspersions both publicly and privately, I’ve been straightforward and truthful in this matter.
As someone who observes politics up close and personal, my advice to a candidate with a past that may raise questions is to address it up front and head on. The last thing you want to do is give the impression you are trying to hide something.
I wish Michael well in whatever he does in the future. Should our paths cross again, I hope he is more forthcoming and cooperative.

Keep Your Truck Nuts To Yourself: A Road Trip Interrupted

Truck nuts come in an assortment of colors to coordinate with the color of your vehicle. Make no mistake, this is high fashion.

Truck nuts come in an assortment of colors so you can coordinate with the hue of your vehicle. Make no mistake, this is high fashion.

I call them truck nuts.
Wikipedia informs me that you may also know them as truck nutz, truck balls, BumperNuts, BumperBalls, CargoNads, Drive-thru Danglers, Trucksticles, HitchNuggets or Balls-on-a-truck.
Whatever you call them, it doesn’t change the fact that they rank as one of the dumbest creations in mankind’s history.
Yesterday, I was driving through the idyllic northeast Nebraska countryside on a pleasant spring morning. A window was down so I could feel the cool air blowing through my hair. Good tunes were pumping on the stereo. An occasional whiff of the Mexican food I was taking to the farm for my dad and me whetted my appetite.
All in all, it was a lovely scene — a lovely scene senselessly destroyed by a random pair of truck nuts.
I want you to imagine a painting. It’s you taking the mythical, liberating Great American Car Ride described above. Now, imagine the painter decides to play a cruel joke on the you in the painting. Suddenly, a stick is drawn, emerging from outside the frame. And from that stick is dangling a pair of testicles. Right in your face. In response to this intrusion, the artist adjusts your facial expression from one of relaxation and joy to one of confusion and horror.
I’m no expert at this, but how else does one respond to having a pair of balls suddenly thrust in his or her face?
So yes, I was driving along Highway 12 at a healthy, legal clip when my pace was slowed by a pokey pickup. And hanging from the rear of this pokey pickup was a pair of blue balls.
In addition, it was the pre-noon rush hour on this stretch of rural highway, meaning that vehicles were paced just frequently enough that I couldn’t put those balls in my rear-view mirror. No, I was stuck watching them dangle in front of me. For miles.

I had blue balls in my face during the drive, similar to the ones pictured here. You can understand how that would be disturbing.

I had blue balls in my face during the drive, similar to the ones pictured here. You can understand how that would be disturbing.

It made me angry.
I think perhaps the first time I ever saw a pair of truck nuts, I asked, “What the hell is that?”
And when I realized it was what it appeared to be, I probably chuckled a little chuckle.
But since that first moment of levity, my position on truck nuts has hardened into one of hatred.
Can’t we just let vehicles be their own asexual gender? Call it a “he” or “she.” Tommy the Truck. Karla the Car. Go for it. But there is no need to add human anatomy. Let these vehicles maintain some level of innocence and decency!
Usually, I spot truck nuts on a big truck driven by some dude who I assume is out to prove what a “man’s man” he is.
Does he ever stop to think about what is inferred by him riding around in (or on?) something adorned by male testicles?
If that’s the image he is trying to project, I certainly have no problem with him embracing that lifestyle. But I feel a man, gay or straight, has a general obligation to keep his testicles concealed while in public. And that goes for a man’s truck lover, too.
People put bras on the hoods of their vehicles. Maybe now manufacturers need to make jock straps for the people who believe their vehicles need nuts.
Should you decide to shed this veil of decency when taking your truck out, I’m going to assume you are some level of moron. I can’t help it.
So after having this particular moron dangle his truck nuts in my face for five minutes, I finally arrived at my turn.
It was a relief to kick those balls on down the highway.
I returned the focus to the joys of my car ride — the air, the music, the scent of food, the freedom — and tried to put the assault I’d just experienced far behind me.
Before you think about hanging a pair of BumperNuts on your vehicle, please remember my story and the many others like it — and then don’t do it.
This is one time where, if you heed my advice, you’ll be a better person for it.